The fear

The fear is percolating up to the surface now. That’s because it’s always already been in there.

That’s a good thing, by the way, like puss oozing out of a wound.

As a culture, we are afraid of fear. We numb, deflect and mostly blame. But fear can be your friend.

The only place to heal fear is deep within yourself. I can’t heal your fear. For sure, I can’t tell you about your fear. But that’s fine because I can heal the collective consciousness by healing myself. I don’t need to worry about what “he” is doing. I only need to heal myself.

You know, grab your own oxygen mask first. Most everybody else will grab their own too … when they are ready.

This is the time to make friends with fear. Get to know it. Bring it out to the light to play.

Blame is self denial. The fear isn’t out there. It’s in here.

What do you see?

“The Separation” is the fundamental philosophical choice. Either you see yourself fundamentally connected to all of it or you see yourself as separated. Inside of this “seeing” you create the world in which you live.

Nobody makes me feel anything

“I am angry.” – truth

“You make me feel angry.” – false

“I am afraid.” – truth

“I am afraid because …” – false

It’s easier for me to be angry than to deal with my own anger. Almost always, when my anger gets triggered, the anger was already always there from long, long ago.

It’s not personal. The upset is an entity within myself waiting for an opportunity to come out and play.

Nobody makes me feel angry.

Nobody makes me feel afraid.

Only I can do that to myself.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

haters gonna hate

The man in the mirror

During those times when I was in resistance to the person that I was partnered with, I was stuck. Only at the moment that I stood up and walked away, did I become free. Once I was done for myself of being that kind of person, “dancing” in that way with someone else, then I opened up a new possibility for myself of how I would relate to this world and to this life.

No one ever changed anything by resisting it. The laws of nature and physics require that which is resisted to become stronger.

All relationships are a mirror for ourselves. Until I can own the person that I am being in this world, life will continue to reflect my inner truth back to me with the people I am close to, in bed with and whom I am talking about on a daily basis.

Blame is a form of resistance. It’s a denial that the other person is a messenger showing me that which is deep within myself.

Revolution is a higher art than blame. The moment of revolution is a personal decision that “I am not going to do that any longer”. I will no longer be that person living in that way ever again.

As above, so below. Whatever is “out there” to be healed must first be healed within myself.

man in the mirror

There are only two paths

There are only two paths to take in my life at any moment: opening up to and closing down to.

Closing down is a kind of steeling myself for battle. It is the suit of armor that I taught myself to wear long ago. Numbing myself is closing down.

Opening up to is dropping my guard, opening my heart and shifting into wonder. I let go of already knowing in favor of observing. I look without belief or opinion. I am defenseless.

Essentially, I am talking about being open hearted versus closed hearted. I think that the world taught me to be closed hearted but oddly, I have found, being defensive provides no more security in this world than being defenseless.

And when I drop my defenses, my judgments and my certainty, I open myself up to a profound connectedness and deeper knowing.

Opening up to the world seems to be scary. It’s certainly not how I learned to be a man as a young teenager. But there is a posture of defenselessness beyond the small, uptight, pinched off version of me that I had learned as a young warrior.

Opening up to each moment fully is the practice of the mature warrior.

As me

A true warrior knows that the battle is always within.
You plant your flagpole and take your stand. You fight to the death. But do you struggle with that stance inside of yourself? Or have you crossed the divide into being totally willing to die (which you are going to anyway).
Suffering is always the product of arguing with what is.
For myself, being a warrior has been a journey. As a young warrior, life was always about proving myself, doing, and accomplishing. As a mature warrior, I have shifted from “what do I want out of life” to “what does life want out of me?”
The only “struggle” is being in resistance to what is and to what life wants out of me.
When I am in “the flow”, I am not resisting. I am allowing a Higher Power to move through me, as me.
At this point in life I would further add that, for me, being a “warrior” was actually a mask to hide behind.

I write of desire

There is no where to go to and nothing to do.

May you enjoy the peacefulness of nothing today, the quiet of nowhere.

When I was younger, I spent a lot of time achieving and proving myself. Proving myself to whom, you might ask. Yes, to whom. To myself, in the end.

I was supposed to succeed like the other successful people. But why?

How much can I get and still not have it be enough?

The pinnacle of success is not to be recognized by others but it is to recognize yourself for who you truly are and to grant yourself the bold courage to be exactly that way.

They say that life is short and that you shouldn’t waste it. But first of all, this life isn’t really mine. It belongs to the wind, the trees and the rocks. I am here in this place and at this time to take my place in the order of all things.

I come from the rains and my life runs to the ocean. I may be the captain of my ship but the river is the master of me.

Some speak of fate but I write of desire. De-sire means literally “of the sire”. My desires are not mine really but come through me from a higher source.

True, I have choice. But my choices are to follow the flow of the desire that runs through me or else to resist it. All the while heading back out to the ocean anyway.

The source of all peace is within me.

Facts and Truth

Facts and truth are no longer useful within the social conversation. How we organize, plan and move forward as a collective body was informed by something that we called “the age of reason” for about a 500 year period of time. That time is now over.

There is no such thing as facts and truth. There is only “my” facts and “my” truth. The certainty that I have about possessing the facts and the truth is the biggest clue that, in fact, I don’t.

For example, if history is any indicator at all, another 500 years forward from today almost everything that we know about medical science will be shown to be wrong and outdated.

For example, if you read the news sources on the political left and the on the political right every day, you find out that there are millions of people who share a different view of what is going on than other millions of people. The simple notion that “the other” millions of people are “wrong” and that “my” millions of people are right might have worked fine in grade school but it doesn’t help move the social conversation forward now as adults.

Facts and truth are not useful within the conversation. They make for a fun game, like NFL football, but come Monday morning nothing has actually changed.

Leaving behind “the age of reason” is an evolutionary step forward in human consciousness. What’s next? I don’t know.

At the moment, we are sort of stuck clinging to the elementary school notion of a right and a wrong. The idea that I know what is right (me) and what is wrong (them) is a great reveal to the limits of human thinking.

Galaxies are colliding with other galaxies right now. Down at the frog pond, Billy frog mounted Mary frog last night and, boy, did that cause an upset with the other frogs. But you won’t see any of those stories in the news today. All you will see is an almost identical version of “what’s going on” as told yesterday. The best that we can do is to tell virtually the same story about reality as we did yesterday with maybe one small new wrinkle.

Who we are is the story that we tell about ourselves. That story is ever changing but at a pace that is almost imperceptible on a daily basis. Without the story, we are empty blank spaces of consciousness. “Reality” is only what the story says that it is at the moment. Facts and truth only exist within the story as it is being told.

Without the story, there is no suffering. Without the story, there is nothing wrong. Without the story, the universe is functioning perfectly, all without my help or opinion.

People will pay a lot of money and shed a lot of blood to defend their own version of the story. The empty space of pure consciousness is an uncomfortable place to hang out. It’s the most powerful place to be but it requires a lot of intention and focus to stay there. Certainty is a whole lot more comfortable than uncertainty. But the only thing that you can be sure of is nothing.

No thing and no where. Space, peace and light. That’s the truth.

A kid in a candy shop

For most of my life, I was in drama filled relationships. I was addicted to drama. It’s very popular. Everybody’s doing it. You can’t have a movie or a tv show without drama, suspense, power and control. Or an election.

I’m still in withdrawal. I mean, I’m not doing drama filled relationships any more but once an addict, always an addict.

The high of drama, struggle, loud words or no words is all about power and control. It feels good to feel really alive. Nothing like a few hits of drama over your lover, your mother or your choice presidential candidate to make you feel like you are really living.

I’m like a kid in a candy shop who is trying to not eat candy, these days. What a temptation. There are so many people to judge, disagree with or talk about. But I’m trying to keep my hands in my pockets and out of my mouth.

My guidance system is “my business”, “their business” and “God’s business”. As long as I can be clear about which is which and also about which of the three above is my business then I’ve got something strong (and clear) to work with.

The past isn’t the past until it is.

A year ago, I tore out this wall so Carole could see what it would look like to open the kitchen up into the living room. It’s been about ten months of brainstorming, reviewing various design options, having plans drawn, discussing with the neighbors and going in front of the Planning Commission for architectural review in an historic district. Some things take a whole lot longer than you imagine.

In the end, we probably have the best design with the most functionality we could get for the dollar. When its done, we’ll have a fully modernized kitchen walking out onto a large deck and the lower level master suite will look like it was part of the original construction. We will celebrate the historical design of the house and simultaneously prepare it for the next 50 years.

In the meantime, both Carole and I have done a lot of personal growth work individually and as a couple. I love old house renovation and I am also committed to old heart renovation. We both come from pasts – past relationships, habits and patterns. But as I say, the past isn’t the past until it is. Without an intense level of interior renovation, the past becomes your future. Left on autodrive, there is no such thing as free will. You wind up choosing the same thing over and over again.

Creating a future from what you already know is called repeating the past. So we took some time to draw new plans, to modernize the way we do relationship. We brought in a relationship architect to coach us on getting clear about the future of our dreams.

What do I want? Like really. What is the romantic partnership of my dreams?

What do you want? What is the life of your dreams?

Does it make sense to build it together?

Are we each willing to do the hard work of interior demolition?

When creating a new old house, I love to acknowledge and pay homage to the past. But I had best stay rooted in the vision, the dream for the future. Old house renovation is informed by the past. But it is driven by the future that I am creating.


Teddy Herzog received his training and certification as an Integrative Holistic Coach through the Legacy Training Institute. The 6-month program requires the completion of five weekend Legacy Seminars with a minimum of 1500 coaching hours.


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